Despite that living with in-laws is hard for many normal Chinese families, my husband still wants the waters to be calm all the time and it seems impossible. My father in-law and I suddenly have problems, partly because I lost some respect for him when I heard him verbally abuse my mother in-law, calling her stupid, and I love her dearly as does my husband. But strangely, nobody else in the house even noticed. I couldn’t help losing some respect for him, and it would be normal in America to wait for an opportunity to regain that respect, i.e., if he said sorry to her or showed some regret at all that he hurt her. But here, of course my husband expects me to be totally respectful all the time, because respect is based on position, not give and take. But all he would do when we brought it up is get defensive. How can I change my own cultural nature enough to adapt and survive, or should I?